Sometimes when you have exhausted all other avenues you just have to fight.I don't believe in fighting, or conflict. I'm a healer. I believe there is always a compassionate, gentle, loving solution, and I try to live my life that way. I say 'try' because sometimes that can be difficult when not everyone we encounter has the same intent. And I am human. I make mistakes.Still at the end of the day my tendency is to turn the other cheek. I mean after all if you need to hit the other cheek after you hit the first one, my thought is have at it.I'm not going to judge you for hurting me. Maybe when you are done hurting people, then we can get down to doing to doing the work of healing instead.People who hurt other people have the most fear. They need the most love and compassion. It is Easy to love a loving person. It is not as easy to love a mean or hurtful person.So overall I have a tendency to be more of a door mat than a warrior.That is unless:1. You mess with my kids-then God help you-you will get my full-on Momma bear, and she is Fierce.or 2. Something is so obviously unfair and unjust that it NEEDS to be addressed.My recent experience fell under category 2, and here is my story-and lessons learned-and there were a lot of lessons learned.I ended up in a situation where I was victimized financially. Instead of resolution, the large corporation hid behind their policy to protect the person who had taken my money and given nothing in return. I went through their legal process, time consuming involving numerous emails, phone calls, and hours on hold. Hours.At the end of the day, the money was not the reason I would not let this go. The money was not worth the time and energy it took to resolve this. What made me stick with this situation was that is was Wrong. It was wrong and the other person knew it. And maybe they do this all the time, I don't know, I hope not. But in this case it would not go away. I needed to stand up and speak out on this.I had to stand up and speak out a lot. It took the big company a long time to realize I was not going to go away. That this was about principle, nothing else. And as much as I wished I could have cut my losses and go away my soul was crying out for fairness and justice.So I had to 'fight'. I had to hold my ground and not give up. Not even after hearing 'NO' a million times. I had to take it up several levels within this organization to get the situation even looked at properly.Today it was resolved. Was it worth the time and effort. Yes. Was it for the money. No. But I am sure glad that was returned to me.What I gained in this experience was my self respect. I made a mistake. I forgave myself and the other person. But I needed to take action. I tried to do it the 'right' way, the 'nice' way, the 'understanding' way but was not being heard. So I needed to get louder.Now getting louder does not mean you are heard any better in fact most people 'turn off' a loud voice. But I had to get loud in that I had to channel my inner warrior and say 'NO' This is not right. It's not o.k. and it needs to be fixed.There are many times in our life where we need to make the choice to back down or stand up and fight. Sometimes it makes sense to back down. As a healer and spiritual person I would often sway to the backing down side more than the fighting-always asking myself what is best for the greater good, for the good of the group, putting myself last. I know. I know. But hey I'm a Mom. Try as we might...it's what we 'do'.It is because of my tendency to do that that I was victimized in the first place. I'm not talking about trust. I will continue to trust people and their intrinsic good nature. I'm talking about that I was put in a situation for someone to take advantage of me. I was 'presenting' as a victim.I had to make a choice. A choice involving 2 letters, and a paradigm shift. I had to change the IM to an OR. From VictIM to VictOR. And to make that 2 letter change I was required to put on my boxing gloves and take a stand. And I did. And I won. And it feels good.What I learned in all of this- and this surprised me a bit-(because I always thought it was the other way around)Sometimes spirit wants us to fight.Sometimes we need to stand up for ourselves. It is not about hurting someone else. It is about fighting for the voice to speak your truth, even when you feel unheard, even when your voice feels small. You can make a change. Yes you can!This was one small insignificant issue in my life. The world is full of injustices larger and way more important than this. Sometimes we do not see them or look the other way and that is o.k. we all have our own battles to fight and they will come to us. I don't believe in going through life fighting anything. I believe in the philosophy of Abraham via Esther Hicks in that whatever we reject or fight will expand in our lives and will continually be in our face to resolve.But if it is in our face-then RESOLVE IT. Face it head on and make a choice, then change will follow.
A big thanks to Kim who invited me to her house on Sunday to watch a movie The Shadow Effect by Debbie Ford. Not the fun 'girls night in' movie I was expecting, but was perfect. It is not an easy movie, but a movie worth watching to get you to look at, acknowledge and embrace those parts about yourself that you deny, that make you uncomfortable or that you would rather not look at. It wasn't until watching that movie that I had the epiphany that I was not getting results in my situation because I was going about things my usual 'Kerri' way.My 'shadow side' that was hidden from me in this case was my judgement and rejection of the part of me that needed to be a bitch to get things done. I did not want to be 'that person.' I had a judgement on that part of myself. Who wants to be a bitch? No one. But you know what, I had to be. I had to put those big girl boots on and stamp my feet a bit.She said something that stayed with me in the movie, and forgive me I am paraphrasing but it was something along the lines of : 'We can only see our true light when we are standing in our shadow.' You can only see your shadow from a place of light. You cannot see your shadow when you are operating from a place of being fully in it. And I believe that. True healing requires Honesty, and that is seeing and acknowledging All parts of ourselves. Not just the ones we like or want to embrace.Once I embraced my inner bitch, everything around me got moving. In the Right direction.Do I want to do it again? No way!I'm happy to go back to skipping through green fields with my butterflies. : )But I had to make peace with, honour, and love my inner bitch. Then I had to engage her into action. What a doozy. But it's really good to know that part of me is in there somewhere and when I need that part I know she has my back.What part of you do you not like to acknowledge or utilize? Can you find maybe one or 2 positive qualities about that part that can help you to embrace it?Believe me! It's worth asking yourself that question now, and balancing that now, rather than slogging through the chaos I just experienced.Please for the love of God learn from my folly!We all have a shadow side. The key is to get to know yours so you are aware of it. That way you can work with it in a positive loving way rather than have it's less favourable aspects control you. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavours, but try not to let your shadow side out around me anytime soon. I need a vacation! : )Love You All & A Big Hug From Me To You!xoKerri