I watched 'Benjamin Button' last night and the quote below was what he wrote on one of the postcards he sent to his daughter, knowing he cannot be a father to her, but wanting to give her some life advice.I just love it.
Nature Heals All
Every tree, every plant, has a spirit. People may say that a plant has no mind. I tell them that a plant is alive and conscious. A plant may not talk, but there is a spirit in it that is conscious, that sees everything, which is the soul of the plant, its essence, what makes it alive.—Pablo Amaringo, Peruvian ayahuasqueroWhile I was in Peru I was aware that the above quote is absolutely true. The plants are very much alive and conscious. Not conscious as you and I are, but conscious just the same. Something else I realized in Peru on this last trip is that Peruvians treat their natural spaces with deep reverence and respect. The outside world is their church, their sanctuary. They do not retreat within 4 walls as we do in the west. They live amongst nature...inside of it. And it is inside of them.Here we have many beautiful natural places and we may make time to enjoy nature, but many of us do not respect, revere it or worship it as a wise source of council or even attempt to really understand it.In Peru nature is often consulted for the solution to a problem. It is considered the wisest of teachers. For every illness and imbalance in the body, there is a corresponding plant remedy to heal this. The jungle is the pharmacy. The visionary plants will often let the curanderos (healers) know which plant is required to heal the illness or imbalance. There are no such thing as doctors in the jungle.Being in nature-as they are there-you slow down. Your heartbeat slows it's rhythm. It stops beating to the beat of all of our electrical devices that it is entrained too and moves back into sync with the earth mother..the heartbeat of the earth.That in itself can provide miraculous healing.My first day in the jungle after I unpacked and settled in, I noticed this right away. I found myself looking for something to do. I asked Marta(the cook) if I could help. She said no. I hauled water for her instead. I offered to work on building a hut the men were working on. I reluctantly retired to my hammock. I had trouble with the ultra slow pace of the jungle. By the second day I noticed, I was walking slower, breathing slower, I was becoming the land.As I was in the jungle they were preparing things for a group that would be coming after me. They had created a schedule of activities to satisfy their needs of knowing & doing. They were creating an 'experience' for them because in their eyes they knew North Americans needed to be 'entertained.'It was interesting, and ironic to be from North America, to recognize the need for this, while having become so much the jungle at that point I found myself wondering if the group really needed all of that. Wouldn't it be better to just let them acclimatize and become the jungle....to just Be?I knew I had appreciated that experience. I am by definition North American , and yet by this time I was so in sync with the place I felt I was more the jungle than anything else. As though to confirm this, near the end of my stay, 2 outside visitors thought I lived there. I laughed, as my Spanish was terrible. I did not understand how they could be so mistaken. But on another level they were absolutely right. The jungle had become my home. I was in harmony with that space. I had become it. It had become me.I think this is why I had a difficult time returning here and reacclimatizing to the busy-ness of north America. I could feel the energy of it when I got off the plane. The buzz of activity, with an almost underlying panic to it.Is it any wonder why so many people are on anti depressants and anti anxiety medications here?Peruvians tend to be slower, more methodical. I also found them to be honest. What you see is what you get. Here people spend so much time and energy and money on the illusion of image they are needing to create. It can be exhausting to watch.Many South Americans believe in North America that we have a sickness. One that is fueled by our need to consume...and all of our 'stuff'. In Peru many people have next to nothing and yet they are happy. They are content.Most do not want our wealth (although they recognize money and resources bring convenience)They prefer a simple life. They do not want our life because they do not want our 'sickness'I love North America. This is my home. Yet I think we can learn a lot from these beautiful people. We have the benefit of financial resources here. Most of us do not live in poverty. Not financially. But there is a real poverty of spirit. We need to reclaim our natural spaces in our world and within ourselves. Spend some time outside. When was the last time you laid on the ground andfelt the heartbeat of the earth? When was the last time you went for a walk in the woods by yourself and it was so silent you could feel everything around you? When was the last time you sat still without a feeling of a need to be somewhere or do something? Nature is talking to us and communicating to us all the time. We need to remember how to listen. She offers us medicine, wisdom, and harmony of spirit. She is always there. Welcoming and waiting for us to take the first step into her embrace.
Desiderata - by Max Ehrmann
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.Desiderata - by Max Ehrmann c.1920
Into The Great Unknown...The Journey Continues
Before I found myself on the plane returning to Peru, Ayahuasca had 'magically' helped me complete my homework (from the last ceremony) by bringing the people and opportunities into my life right up until a few days before I left. So I went to Peru ready for the next phase in my journey. I trusted 100% and knew everything was going to be wonderful.At the airport my good fortune resulted in my bumping 3 lines. I do not know why, but airport staff moved me a few times to a faster line or had me bypass lines altogether. (I was not flying first class either) My 'too heavy' bag was tagged without a comment. (I had envisioned myself with bag open, articles all over the floor attempting to repack) I was trying to go on this trip with one checked bag. I knew I was allowed two, but I was attempting to travel 'light'. So the ease of checking my luggage was a relief and I gratefully acknowledged all of the 'airport magic' I experienced. I thought to myself, if this continues this will be the best trip ever!My flight left around 6pm. I had been up since 5am for bootcamp, so I was tired but I do not sleep well on planes and slept maybe 30 minutes total. Arrived in Lima at 12:30am. Had to wait in the airport until 7am to take my second flight. I tried to sleep in the chairs with little luck. It was my birthday and I felt like I had been partying all night. I had now been awake for 24 hours. I arrived in Pucallpa around 9am, was picked up and had a motor taxi ride. That was fun. Pucallpa does not have many cars. The main form of transport is motor car-a kind of buggy attached to a motorcycle that seats 2 comfortable or 3 squishy. We were 3. The luggage goes on a small rack on the back and you need to hang onto your bags so that they do not go flying into the street. The motor cars are loud and they are zooming everywhere. also Pucallpa is hot. around 33-35 degrees. I was melting most of my time there. I was then taken to the casa I would be staying at. I thought we were going to be taking the 6 hour boat to the jungle right from the airport, but learned that we would be staying in Pucallpa for a couple of days first. At first I was not too sure about that (Pucallpa is noisy and hot) but it ended up being a good thing as the ceremonies in Pucallpa were excellent.So I arrived, got organized. I was beyond tired at this point and it was so noisy I knew I would not be able to sleep. So we went to the market to get hammocks for the boat, some fruit and then to the internet cafe.
When we returned I learned we would be doing ayahuasca that evening. I was not sure what to think about that. I was beyond exhausted and Ayahuasca ceremonies are traditionally done in the evening. This one was to start around 10pm. Needless to say I did not nap. I tried. too noisy. So I ended up staying up till around 3am....about 46 hours without sleep...a new record for me. In Pucallpa they have a tradition that you stay up all night on your birthday and do not sleep. I did not find out about this tradition until a few days later but am happy to say that I followed it just like a local would..and not by choice. But I survived and the ceremony was fantastic.(photo-Ayahuasca being prepared)The place we were at was near a church that had service every night from 8:30 -9:30pm. It was loud. They had microphones(that sounded like megaphones). You soon learn Spanish words for 'light', 'holy spirit', and so forth. Apparently some nights it could get very loud. That is also why the Ayahuasca was done after 9:30pm.There was a ceremony house used for the medicine ceremonies. Around 9:30 we gather inside with a mat or blanket or cushion to sit upon, water and whatever else you wish to bring. I had a few ceremonial objects with me.You are then given a bucket just in case you purge. They place the bucket right in front of you but (seeing as I believe your mind creates your reality), and I did not want to look at 'such a bucket' in ceremony, I put it behind me. I have been lucky so far that I have never been nauseous or had any ill effects from Ayahuasca.The maestros are rarely sick unless they have been working on someone who is really unwell and they often purge on their behalf. The maestros are very clean and clear from working with the medicine so often.The more you do the medicine, the cleaner your body becomes and you no longer become sick, or purge. That is what I was told.Having said that, vommitting is quite common on Ayahuasca and is considered normal, and encouraged (as your body is releasing toxins). To give you an idea, out of a room of 10 people at least 6 usually vomit. Some people get diarrea that same evening or the next day.Regarding visions some people can have violent or terrifying experiences. Ayahuasca is wanting to clear you of all negativity. If you have traumas or illnesses or horrors in your past all of those come to the surface to be released. The clearer you become the lighter your experience with this medicine becomes.The maestros sing healing songs during ceremony called icaros. They are designed to lead you on an inner journey and to facilitate healing on all levels of being. They are incredibly powerful. The icaros on their own are powerful healers. The Ayahuasca on its own is a powerful healer. The two together create a formidable team in which illness and imbalance does not stand a chance. Nor does the ego. This medicine will lay you down to your base level in seconds. The icaros also calm you if any fears come up. They give the mind something to hold onto, as an anchor to this reality, if the medicine is too strong and the person becomes lost and frightened. They are beautiful calming, lulling songs. I love the icaros. The first time I heard one I remembered my past. The same way I felt when I smelled sage for the first time...it felt like home....my real home.
When I heard my first icaro I wept with joy that I had found it again. It was like discovering a long lost best friend..one you forget about until you see them again and upon recognizing them all of the old memories of how much you love them come flooding back.More to come.....(picture above-sample of the colours in an Ayahuasca vision)
Mercury in Retrograde ~ A Good Time to Get Real
I love it when Mercury is in retrograde. I know it can cause havoc, but I feel the benefits to this cycle far outweigh any challenges.I have noticed in the last two retrograde cycles that many people get themselves worked into a frenzy when they know Mercury will be going retrograde. I am a big believer that thoughts have a huge part in creating our reality, so that is one of the reasons I choose not to get too worked up over it myself. The second reason is that I personally love it when mercury goes retrograde, I feel quiet and calm on the inside at this time. The sometimes silent voice of spirit is much louder for me to hear. I feel more connected to myself, and the earth, and all of life.When Mercury goes retrograde, I just want to chill out and relax. I get quiet. I go within. To me it is so similar to that feeling of cozy pjs, a good book, a warm cup of tea, simple comforts.Sure communications can go 'offline' and electronics have been known to behave wacky at this time, but knowing this there is not much you can do about it. Not really. If you believe Mercury has the power to create chaos and confusion in your life then you have just given it permission to do so.Personally my belief is that as much as technology is helpful, and as much as 
communication and correspondence with others is important, it is even more important to have good communication with yourself. Let's face it, in today's world where everyone is switched on, a bit of a detox from the world of technology can do a body good.My suggestion is during the rest of our time until this cycle ends on August 26th, you have a choice, and can choose to exercise that choice or not. You can use this time as an excuse as to why things are not working in your life. Or you can take some time and reflect and find out why 'you' are not working in your life and make much needed change.Take some time to yourself, to reflect, to contemplate. When mercury is retrograde it may not be the best time to have those 'big' conversations with others or make important life altering decisions but it is a great time to gather information, assess, and redesign your life. It is the perfect time to Get Real with yourself and have fun doing it.
Into The Great Unknown....The Journey Begins
The Beginning....My intention is to Blog to a degree my recent experiences in Peru for thosewho are curious, and for myself to help remember the ancient wisdom that wasunearthed.However I cannot even begin to share this recent experience I had inPeru without some background information as to how this came about. I was recently in Peru this past April and had opportunity to participate in anAyahuasca ceremony. I did not know much about this plant medicine. I had not researched it ahead of time. I went into the experience based on intuitionand blind faith alone. I did know one person who had tried it in the pastand when I told them of my intention to try it they were very negative aboutit. They then went on to tell me horror stories of frightening visions andbody purging...severe vomitting and diarrhea. So although I recognized thatwas 'their' experience I started to doubt myself and wonder if I was making the best choice for myself. Although I did feel my experience would be uniquely my own, going into the ceremony, I was a mix of excited and apprehensive. Well truth be told, part of me was terrified and thought I might die, but at the same time I knew from deep within my soul it was something I needed to experience.I had another friend who had never tried it but had researched it andencouraged me to do the same to 'prepare'. I heard them out but that did not seem right to me. I wanted to go into the experience clean with nopreconceived notions. They thought I was being naive.I can say this now with 100% absolute certainty after having experienced this plant many times. You cannot prepare for ayahuasca. You just can't. The thought that you can is your mind wanting to control the experience, and if you go in with a 'controlling mind she will tear you apart. You are not in control of the experience, the plant is. You must surrender to the plant. And breathe. A lot.Now I just want to let you know (and this is especially for those of you whothink I have gone wandering like a fool into the jungle to fry my mind on psychoactive drugs) that I live a pretty 'clean' existence...other than chocolate... and coffee(when I drink it). I rarely consume alcohol and rarely take medications....not even Tylenol. I try to heal with natural or homeopathicremedies or energy work first. I did try marijuana in university and although interesting never felt the need to continue. I have never smoked and Itake pretty good care of myself for the most part.
My first experience with a plant medicine was December 2010 and was 100% an intuitively guided decision to participate. I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into. I had a vision in which I saw myself drinking a 'tea' with a shaman who sang songs and rattled over me. So when I was invited right after having this vision to a medicine ceremony(in a completely unexpected and random way) I found myself accepting the invitation not understanding what that meant.So my very first plant medicine experience was actually not Ayahuasca but with Huachuma (San Pedro). The experience and visions were incredible and unforgettable and very helpful in terms of personal and spiritual growth but I found the experience itself overwhelming. I went so far out of my body I almost did not return and the physical effects (nausea and low grade paralysis) I was not prepared for. I promptly decided that although I received valuable information I would never do it again. I did not regret the experience of that ceremony as I did receive a lot of valuable information along with the strong feeling that I needed to travel to Peru. That feeling never went away and continued to become stronger, so I trusted it and went to Peru in April 2011.You have probably noticed there seems to be a fair bit of blind faith and 'following of intuition' in my choice making process so far. That is because I have learned over the years that my best choices are made in this way and so I trust those feelings-more than anything else, and as a result am never led astray.The April trip to Peru had Huachuma as part of it but after my lastexperience with this medicine I was very hesitant to try it again. My body is extremely sensitive to everything. That ceremony was almost too much for me. After speaking to the shaman on the trip about my concerns I decided to take his advice and give it another go. I am so glad I did as it was an entirely different experience. We were outside. We had personal space (in the last one too many people were crammed into a small room-I was feeling my 'stuff' and everyone else's-the joy of being empathic). This ceremony was vastly different. It was beautiful, expansive and enlightening.
On the April trip Ayahuasca medicine was an optional choice. I was not sure if I was going to try it. I wanted to but was not sure if it would be a good idea for me (being so ultra sensitive). I knew I needed to approach working with Ayahuasca with deep respect as a medicine teaching, and I realized it was a very serious choice. I must have been feeling intuitively already the large degree in which it would change my life.When it was offered on this trip, I knewthat I had to overcome any fears I may have because it was very important that I experience it.I had been told Huachuma was the masculine plant and Ayahuasca was the feminine. I was also told Huachuma was gentle and Ayahuaca was very very strong by comparison. This concerned me a little as I had very intense experiences and visioning with Huachuma. I could not imagine anything stronger than that. This also added to my existing concern that I may not survive the Ayahuascaexperience.Ayahuasca is not a plant you can become addicted to. In fact it has ahistory of helping people overcome addictions. It has also helped heal mood disorders like depression and anxiety as well as heal cancer and other major illnesses. It has had such good results that many people are now making the trip from the west to try it out.It is not only the Ayahuasca that does the healing. It is paired withpowerful healing songs (icaros) sung by the curandaros (trained shamanichealers). The icaros and the plant medicine work together for a completehealing. Although they each have healing merit on their own- together-any illness or imbalance can be addressed.Everyone's experience is unique to them. Some people do have a purge from the medicine(gentle or violent) while others do not.I am lucky in that my body recognized and loved Ayahyasca the first momentit touched my lips. I heard loud and clear in my mind. 'Be at peace. This isYour medicine. You have done this before.'
The medicine was warm as it entered my body and I felt an energetic heat spread to my heart. It felt wonderful.This made me relax . I was aware I was going into the vast unknown and had no idea what to expect. I welcomed it with open arms. Once I had emptied that cup I knew I had jumped off thecliff into the abyss.We were seated on the floor in total darkness for the entire ceremony. You could not see anything.Huachuma is traditionally an outdoor daytime ceremony and Ayahuasca is traditionally done at night in the darkness because you are meant to go inwards...into yourdarkness...to be in it..to face it and acknowledge it...and to heal from it.So once drinking the medicine we sat in our spots in a circle and waited. We were in a dark, cold mountainside cave like structure. You could not see anything but the lit end of the sacred tobacco the curandaro was smoking. Ihad a continuous internal voice speaking to me from the moment I drank the medicine. I was receiving continuous information. It came on like a slow blanket of relaxation andinsight. I thought to myself...this is ok...I can handle this...and I relaxed into it...like you would relax into a warm bath.Then it hit. And when I say hit...I mean hit. Right in the frontal lobe. Floodedwith colour, sound, light information at such a rapid fire pace like a massive computer download into my brain. It was like receiving separatestreams of fast motion information and pictures from several differenttopics and sources all at once. Like watching 20 TV screens and beingpresent and aware with the information on each one even though the movieswere fast forward. It was also like being on a high speed roller coaster. I became dizzy. I thought I was going to faint so I got into child'spose(a yoga pose where you are essentially on your knees. Head on theground. Like a seed or fetal position) this made me feel less faint but itdid not stop the flow of information. I think I stayed in that position forat least 3-4 of the 6 hours. I no longer had a concept of body, or time. I had surrendered to the medicine. I waselsewhere.I proceeded to be heavily educated by the plant in a very short period of time.I have to mention that to me, Ayahuasca is a person, a live being. As real as you or me. I experience her as the Great Mother of all. She appeared to me this first time as a strong and (almost terrifying) Kali-like feminine energy (equally capable of giving life or taking it away). She was seated in a cave surrounded by snakes. At one point during the information stream, I asked a question, and the realized my error. She just gave me a 'look' (you know that look? The one mothers use on their children?) and she said very sternly to me 'Pay attention. I'm teaching you'. She scared me a bit. I will be honest.She was like a stern mother. But I can see now how she had so much information to give to me and limited time and she wanted me present patient and focussed. I was shown the history of humanity from the beginning of time forward into our future and beyond. I was shown my entire life, plan from pre conception to death. I got to see and experience my future death. This was a beautiful comforting enlightening experience which was to this day one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. I was shown absolutely everything about myself & my life. Everything had ever done in my life that I was not proud of, every time I had lied. Every time I had hurt someone either intentionally or unintentionally. I was shown my fears and insecurities. It was like meeting the person who had made be and she knew everything about me even the things that were hidden from myself. I got to look at all of it. I got to see people in my life right now who thought I was upset with them (even though I was not & that was their misinterpretation) I got to see itall. I was then given homework. Very specific things to clear, heal and balance. And this is only a small sampling of what was given to me. And then near the end when the information began to slow down she said, 'The next time I see you will be in the jungle...you will come to my home and we will continue this great work.'I did not think anything of what she had said, until the following day when I was invited to the jungle to do Ayahuasca. It was such a weird random thing.(and I am used to weird random things....but the way this happened so fast still surprised me). My first reaction was to say no. I thought it was impossible. I can't return in the summer...my busy life won't allow for that. How would I get the time, the money, etc. Not to mention I was not sure if I could handle doing it again. It was so intense.I decided to surrender the whole idea to the universe. If I was meant to go, then I would find myself there. Once I did that, everything came together for me to go easily. It was literally a series of mini miracles. And so on July 18th (the day before my birthday) my journey back to Peru began. I was going to work with the Auahyasca plant in a remote jungle location just as she said I would. In her home of over 2000 years with Shipibo medicine healers. I was going home. And I knew I was going home. I recognized the Amazon in the same way a mother knows her own child. Intimately. I had such a fierce connection with the land right away that it took my breath away. It was a homecoming for me in every sense of the word.More to come soon....
Anam Cara ~ Friend of My Soul
In the Advanced IET class on Sunday we were discussing the idea of 'Soul Buddies', or 'Soul Friends'. Soul mates is a term used frequently by people searching for their other half or missing piece in terms of a romantic relationship. (I believe we have more than one soul mate and that it is never a good idea to be looking for that other half-rather to be whole before even venturing into a relationship-but that is just my opinion and you can find more on that HERE)This is a different thing entirely, although a soul friend could become a soul mate, or life partner, in this case I am talking about really dear friendships. Kindred Spirits.I know when I look at the dear friends I have made so far in this life, I am very grateful! When I remember back to that moment of meeting~ it is true that there was an instant recognition of the other and a feeling of picking up wherever we left off ~as though we knew each before from another time. It does not matter how often you see these friends-there is always that same feeling of deep friendship that transcends time and space. You can have more than one soul friend. These relationships are special, and are usually life long.In the Celtic tradition, there is a beautiful understanding of love and friendship ~ the idea of soul love; “Anam Cara” refers to the Celtic spiritual belief of souls connecting and bonding .In Celtic Spiritual tradition, it is believed that the soul radiates all about the physical body what some refer to as an aura. When you connect with another person and become completely open and trusting with that individual, your two souls begin to flow together.Should such a deep bond be formed, it is said you have found your “Anam Cara” or soul friend.Your “Anam Cara” always accepts you as you truly are, holding you in beauty and light. In order to appreciate this relationship, you must first recognize your own inner light and beauty. This is not always easy to do. The Celts believed that forming an “Anam Cara” friendship would help you to awaken your awareness of your own nature and experience the joys of others.The “Anam Cara” was originally someone to whom you confessed, revealing the hidden intimacies of your life. With the “Anam Cara”, you could share your innermost self, your mind and your heart. This friendship was an act of recognition and belonging. When you had an “Anam Cara”, your friendship cut across all convention, morality and category. You were joined in an ancient and eternal way with the “friend of your soul”. The Celtic understanding did not set limitations of space or time on the soul. There is no cage for the soul. The soul is a divine light that flows into you and into your Other.This art of belonging awakened and fostered a deep and special companionship. When you love, you open your life to an Other. All your barriers are down. Your protective distances collapse. This person is given absolute permission to come into the deepest temple of your spirit. Your presence and life can become their ground. It takes great courage to let someone so close. Where a friendship recognizes itself as a gift, it will remain open to its own ground of blessing….. When you are blessed with an “Anam Cara”, the Irish believe, you have arrived at that most sacred place: home. This bond between friends is indissoluble: “This, I say, is what is broken by no chances, what no interval of time or space can sever or destroy, and what even death itself cannot part”.~ from “Anam Cara…Wisdom from the Celtic World“, by John O’Donohue
