Is Inauthenticity The Hole In Your Bucket?

Have you ever felt drained at the end of the day even though you did not really do anything to warrant such exhaustion?

Do you ever feel totally drained after  hanging around certain people?

You were going along, having a perfectly wonderful day, and then you spend a few hours with someone or in a group and afterwards you feel like you want to slip into a zombie coma?

What the heck just happened?!

vampireSome websites and books out there will tell you that you were attacked by an ‘energy vampire.’ That this ‘bad’ person stole your energy.  Energy vampire was a term that was very big in the 80’s & 90’s..it came along with bad hair, huge amounts of hairspray and the need for protection, amulets, salt circles, crystals up the nose, fancy outfits, and whatever your favourite tool is to ward off  so called ‘evil.’ Energy vampire was the perfect term to describe those  people with ‘negative energy’ who made it feel like they were sucking the life right out of you. It was a catchy phrase. Catchy but dangerous.

Why dangerous?

It’s dangerous because it shifts the focus away from where it needs to be.  As soon as you start labelling and blaming others for a problem that you ‘think’ they caused, you take the focus off the feeling that You are having (that feeling that is all about you) and you put the blame on them. In doing so, you take away any self responsibility about how you were (all of a sudden) feeling.

Not to mention doing that can be a bit scary too because-Wow! they must be pretty powerful to get through your supersonic energetic bubble and enchantments and powerful anti negativity jewellery to drain your energy dry like that. What are you going to do next time to prevent it? This is where people can spend a fortune from their fear as there are always those who will  gladly take your money for more amulets, more potions, more spells, all the while feeding your fear for why you need those things (and need them) to save you from that other person. What you really need is to be saved- from yourself.

I know I’m poking fun, and I am likely going to take some heat from this post from the die-hard energy vampire haters, but I have totally been there. I have felt this drain before too. Many, many times. I’m empathic. For those who do not know what that means, it means that I Feel EVERYTHING all the time (emotions, physical ailments, moods) As cool as that may seem, it’s not a fun trip. Believe me! I can also tell you there is no magic product out there that is going to stop that drain. I’m sorry to say that, but it’s true. You may find things that help a little bit or things that trick your mind enough into believing they work-and the mind is very powerful and can help you there, but ultimately you are the only one who can stop it permanently. That’s because that energy drain you just had, in all honesty, its kind of your fault.

What???!

I know!!! That’s a horrible thing to say to someone! Especially when they are feeling so low and after they have had their life force energy drained and feel so energetically victimized.

My intention is not to be  ‘mean‘ by saying that it is your fault. I wish it wasn’t so. Believe me I do. Life would be so much easier if we could just blame other people for everything. But it’s just not the case. In this case, you are at fault and it is simply because You allowed it.

No one pinned you down, or held you against your will to drain you of your energy. No one forced you to hang around that person, or give them your energy, or listen to their draining life story. Instead you were following a different law, a different set of rules-that unwritten agreement many of us have (and still follow) to pretend with that other person that everything is o.k. even when it is really not o.k. at all.

Why do we do this? Well it is easier, or seems to be easier to do this. No one enjoys conflict. No one wants to alienate people.

leaky-bucket_1024x768_570651But unfortunately over time, this inauthenticity and self dishonesty drains you energetically. It becomes the hole in your bucket and it’s simply not worth it.

It is one of the absolute laws of the universe that nothing can interfere with your energy without your permission or free will. Nothing. Not a thing, no human, animal spirit, being, space alien, tweedle bugs, anything.

So what just happened to your energy then? How did it get drained?! How was it that allowed that you didn’t want it?!

If you go back through that situation in your mind-and do so with honesty-you will be able to pick out the exact moment where you began to feel the drain. The exact moment where you began to be inauthentic or dishonest with yourself or someone else.

This is actually how muscle testing works-the basic premise that when something is true or right for you the body’s (muscles ) show strength, and when something is wrong or untrue for you the body’s (muscles) show a weakness. The body is not the only thing affected in a situation where something is untrue or not right. In that case, the entire energy field is depleted. When people tell a lie their energy field totally collapses for a brief moment in time. My kids absolutely hate that I can always catch them in a lie this way.

So you were inauthentic. Big deal. We do it all the time. You are in a situation and don’t want to have ‘that conversation‘ or rock the boat, or stand out, or worse yet –hurt someone’s feelings, so you just adjust yourself to fit into the environment-while your ‘energy vampire’ friend, loved one, co worker, family member, stranger, begins to feed on you and drain you of all life force energy. You just sit and smile and nod and listen and fade away. You never once say what you want or truly feel. If you did then you would not feel drained afterwards.

Someone energetically ‘present’ and ‘aware’ in that situation, and someone refusing to compromise their authenticity, would leave that situation feeling just fine.

When we are dishonest with ourselves and others about who we are and how we feel we begin to drain energy. When this happens a lot, we become so depleted we begin to create illness and disease in the body.

When you are able to maintain who you are and your authenticity in every situation, you are not only doing yourself a service but you are helping others by mirroring back to them their ability to do so and  you are essentially giving them permission to do the same for themselves. That is empowering.

Some of my favorite people on this earth are down right shocking, but they are Real. I Love children. I love their raw honesty. Children are born honest. They are real. They do not know any otherr way to be. They learn dishonesty from adults. Pets are honest too, and simple. Pets don’t lie. Our bodies are honest too. I love working with the body because the body tells it like it is- the body never lies. The human mind on the other hand….well you could be lost in a mind for days, weeks, heck even years! The mind is a wild maze! It is the mind that decides if we are going to be authentic or not..and it will have many scenarios at the ready-scenarios it likes to play out of things that have never even happened! Things that may never happen! The mind will convince you of why its better to stay quiet, to stay safe, to stay small and to just allow that person or situation to rip right into your etheric jugular and bleed you dry.

Why do we do this? Why do we change from the beautiful honesty of a small child ,to an insecure, inauthentic, and non self-aware adult?

Plain old survival.

As children many of us learn to people please to get rewarded. We learn when we are ‘good’ we receive love and affection or we do it to avoid getting yelled at or in trouble. We learn to be ‘good girls’ and ‘good boys’. We then grow up carrying those same patterns with us of selfless service, and silence for love, for acknowledgement, and for attention. Attention is actually how we give and receive Love. We learn that early on. The worst thing you can ever do to someone is withhold your love or attention. The opposite of Love is not Hate. It is indifference.

We learn to be chameleons to be what the other person wants us to be rather than learning to be comfortable in who we really are. We learn to Bend.

We look at magazines and tare aware of the media and what it tells us to be. We tell our children and young adults how to be and who to be to fit in. No one wants to be different. Not that different, to run the risk of  not having friends. Most friendship s, and relationships require compromise. We learn to alter, we learn to Blend.

We learn to look outside of ourselves for our answers and to find reasons for our problems. We learn to Blame.

Often we do it in families where we may feel so incredibly different from our relatives we try and fit in by changing to fit the role of who they think we are rather than who we are truly are. We do it in relationships by becoming the person we think the other person wants us to be instead of being who we actually are.

Do you know that around the holidays is my busiest time as a holistic practitioner? When I began my practice years ago I found that incredibly odd because most of the services I offer are not covered by extended health care, and is an extra expense during the holidays, and can cut into the Christmas budget. Why do so many people see me then?

I believe it is because everyone is drained. They are spending time with their family -even those who would normally avoid doing so- and then while in those scenarios (to keep the peace) they pretend to be someone else. All of that pretending and not speaking your mind or honouring who you really are is totally exhausting! Most of us can barely walk thru the door to fall into bed after such a day.

So what can we do to protect our energy and keep it full and vibrant? Other than hermiting away and avoiding people forever or going the other extreme and  alienating everyone, how can we avoid becoming drained?

I’m not suggesting you go out there all guns a blazing and blast everyone with your truth on some power trip just to be you. Relationships will be damaged and there will be fallout. These kinds of changes can take time. I’m simply asking for you to notice in your life when and where you feel drained. Just observe when and where it takes place and the context around it. Instead of blaming the other person for how you feel, honestly take responsibility for how you are feeling and look at where You were being inauthentic in that situation. By taking responsibility for allowing your energy to be drained, that new found awareness will allow you to make the necessary corrections so that it Never happens again.

Please know that despite what you may have heard, YOU are Always in control of your energy and your body. When you fully realize that, and embrace that 100%, and own it, then you will be able to end the cycle of being a victim in your own life, and you will truly see some incredible changes in your life.

By taking responsibility, you take ownership, you take your power back, and you take your energy back to you where it belongs.

Be yourself, not a crappy copy of someones else. If you have changed, let your family and friends know that. Allow them the chance to get to know the new you. You may be surprised..they may like your new self a heck of a lot better than the old one. Or maybe they are pretending to be someone else too. Once you take off your mask and let it all out, you are giving them permission to do the same and you can meet as two hearts, two minds, in honesty, in trust, in true authenticity.

Wow what a Great World that would be!

Shine on Bright Beings! Shine On!

xo Kerri

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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